It’s been exactly one week since I started my fitness training, and I haven’t lost a pound. I yelled at my trainer, Brad, who says I shouldn’t be weighing myself every day. Are you kidding? How will I pre-determine what kind of day I’m going to have without seeing that number first thing every morning?

I don’t think I’m unusual. Most women define themselves by the number they see on the scale. Each morning, the first thing I do is strip off my clothes and weigh myself. If I don’t like the number – which is pretty much every day – I start my morning mantra: You are such a cow! You should be ashamed of yourself! What’s the deal with not getting this part of your life under control? You really suck as a person. With the introduction of digital scales, I can actually engage in this process over just a few ounces. I think most women are like this. If not, someone let me know.

Brad the trainer says my body is in a state of flux, the introduction of all this heavy weight training is confusing my metabolism and my body may simply be “storing” resources until it figures out what’s going on. He asks how I feel and I say great, but is that really the point?

For the first time since pre-children I can actually feel my abs. My pants feel looser and I have a ton of energy. But  until that number on my scale starts moving backwards, I’ll continue berating myself each morning.  It’s just what women do, Brad.

I feel sorry for Brad. I don’t make his job easy. I question everything. I know he cringes when he sees me. I’ve caught him actually looking at the schedule when I walk in to see if another trainer is available. Sorry, Brad, but the things that are the hardest are always most satisfying, right?

I received my nutrition training and my “accountability journal.” I need to write down everything I eat for the week and share it with the trainers. Yes! This is something I’ve always wanted to do!! (Not!)